More...

More.  I desire for more.  More endurance, more time training, more pushing myself, more finding my limits, more finding where my body breaks down and where I can rebuild it.  More fatigue, more sleep, more time, more limits, more failures to learn from, more.  Just more.  But, where does my body become the barrier to what my brain desires and can see.  And, furthermore, where is the end?  When is enough enough?  How far, how much more, how broken, how truly alive?  Questions…..

I am in a position in my life, training and endurance career where I want more of what I have tasted.  No longer is a 10 or 15k run enough.  How many 20k, 25k, 4hr’s of training etc can I string together.  When will it end?  If I could not work and just train, would I just break myself and not return?  More?  Is more beneficial?  Subjective maybe?

Regardless of more being counterproductive, I look for it.  I try my best to optimise every minute of every day.  I look to fit more training into each week, be super organised with my other daily requirements so I can spend more time doing more.  Unhealthy?  Maybe?  Do I care?  Maybe?  More?

How far is too far?  Is that even a perception of reality?  Our brains and the limits we place upon ourselves only limit human potential.  Or is it actually the body?  Not convinced?  Fluidity?  Freedom in movement…..let preconceived ideas go and just flow.  Be one with movement, your human powered machine and just move.  More.  Why does it even matter?  Why do I even care?  Because I care so much and I have so many questions still left unanswered beyond the point of a broken, cracked human.  Whittled down to nothing more than a shell of putting one foot forward….one pedal stroke more…..one more….more.

Why are there so few who truly get it.  More weight loss for more power and less excess to drag around.  Too skinny, no weight to lose.  You don't get it.  Narrow sighted vision created by others puny vision of what is possible.  More food and fuel to do more.  Too much?  Too much weight and not enough skinny.  More?  Where is the limit?  Am I self-limiting?  Is limiting actually creating the desire for more?  Why do I feel so simple, so basic that movement and perpetual human powered motion is SO satisfying.  Why, when I lay down at night, completely exhausted after doing SO much MORE that I feel so happy and content.  Will this more break me?  Maybe?  Am I worried?  Not so much. 

More hours in a day, more adventure in the hours.  Where minutes feel like hours and the meaningless time for another gel feel like weeks.  Broken.  Sugar.  More.  Time standing still and disappearing in the same sphere.  Wasting life or life less wasted?  I want more.  Life.  TRUE life.  Experience, disaster, brokenness, exhilaration, achievement truly earnt through absolute struggle.  A body used up, a life lived in true calling.  Motion.  More motion.  Motion more.

Breath.  More breath.  More expression, art through flow, flow through body art literal and physical.  Beauty.  More beauty, love, brotherhood, passion, family, friendship, heartbreak at how much more you love…..love more.  More time to show the love for yourself, how much you love others and treasure them more.  Life.  TRUE life.  Not wasted.  

A burning sadness that I will waste and not do more.  I wont achieve more, I wont find my limits and I wont break myself often enough to explore my true self.  That I wont love myself enough to push myself beyond the comfortable.  That I wont toe the line of more and get more from myself.  Failure?  Obsessive, compulsive, ridiculous….maybe.  But….more life.

I search.  I long.  I desire.  I want more.  I never want to stop wanting, pushing, finding, re-discovering, fatiguing, living, truly living though more.  All the things broken down to TRUE life.  Sugar, water, movement and mental fortitude.  I desire more.  Where is your more.  Don't die without finding it….I pray you find your more more than you know.  Go find it.  Its harder than you might think but what you think is hard will make you live more than you think.  Go find your more…..every single minute of it is worth it….trust me, I go back for more every day to find more and I NEVER regret it.  Much love friends…..from one side or the other of more.